my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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