the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
