is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
