Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Boobs speak an international language.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
