I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
