i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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