Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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