i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize