What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize