Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
