Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize