i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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