who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
