Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
