I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
