all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
