i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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