We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
