Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
