the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there was a trapeze. enough said
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
