mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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