i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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