So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
