I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
