I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
