Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
