so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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