I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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