omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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