okay pat passed out under dana's car
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Randomize
