The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize