who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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