I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
