I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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