saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
