My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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