why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize