you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
