I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
