Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
