i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
