Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
