I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
