y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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