The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
