Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
