just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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