We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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