Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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