At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
