I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
