is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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