You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
