I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
