Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
