Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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