I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
