dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
