We're like a lot better than the average bears
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
