There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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