peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i out mim tonsoeep
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
