How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
