i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
