my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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