I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
