i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
