I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
