I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
