I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
