I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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